Leah Faith Nicole:)

June 6, 2011 Leah Faith Nicole was born. She was 7lbs 8ozs 19.5 inches and my biggest baby yet!! She is such a blessing!! I really wish I would blog more but with 5 children, it is really hard. I admire all you mamas who blog consistently and have even more children than me:) My goal is try to blog at least once every 2 weeks!! 1

Surprise:)

I have abandoned my blog:( So much has gone on I don't even know where to begin!! First of all we have moved:) I love our new home, it is very spacious and is closer to our family, church, and church family!! My kitchen aww, I just love it

here is a picture of the children cleaning it:) before we moved in!!

I will try to post more pictures soon:)

We had a wonderful first Christmas with our newest blessing Lydia


Christmas morning, they were soooo excited!!


Lydia is such a blessing!!



She makes us smile:D


We love her soooo much



mommy and lydia being silly



Haley Grace turned 7




and baby #5 is a GIRL!!! Leah Faith Nicole will be here sometime in June 2012!!

My pregnancy is going well and I am 23 weeks today! Thank you Lord for ALL your blessings.

june 14 2012

It looks like I am 6 weeks and 4 days so my due date will be June 14, 2012(2 days before Lydia turns 1). I never would have thought I would get pregnant so soon, but God has a plan and a purpose.



Here is an updated picture of my precious gifts.



Hannah 12, Bryson 8, Haley 6, and Lydia 4 months.

5.................

5 will be the number of children in our house next summer:) Much to my surprise, Lydia is only 3.5 months and boy was I shocked when 2 bright lines showed up on the test!! I had been feeling yucky and plus I was sooooo tired around 8, which is strange because I normally stay up to 12 or 1. I don't know the due date but I will be going to the doctor on October 25th!! Lots of prayers are needed. Many Blessings to ALL!!!

Lydia's Birth Story:) and my testimony!! warning: it is very long

I can not believe that my sweet baby girl is 7 weeks old!! Wow how time flies!! Before I tell you her birth story, you have to understand the "whole" story!! If you have been following my blog a while you know that I have been through a lot to get this precious gift from God!! I have suffered 4 consecutive miscarriages in the last 5 years, which have been so hard for me and my family.
I had my first child when I was 15, but before you judge, understand it is not what you may think. I met my husband when I was 13 and he was 14. I knew I was going to marry him!! We met at church and were both Christians, but were also very hormonal teenagers(exactly why we are going the courting route with our children). When Hannah was born, it was a joyous occasion, but it was soooo hard being a teenage parent. But my husband and I were determined not to be a statistic!! We waited to get married and not get married just because we had a baby. I was in 9th grade when Hannah was born, but had high expectations for myself to graduate High School. My husband was in 11th grade. We both graduated high school with honors. Two weeks before I graduated, we got married:) Ten months later, when I was 19 and Hannah was 3 years 11 months, we welcomed our sweet little boy, Bryson!! I didn't use birth control, and got pregnant again when Bryson was 13 months old, so he was 22 months old when Haley Grace was born. By this time I was 21 and my husband was 22. He was overwhelmed with the responsibility of supporting a family of 5. Even though, I did not want to, but with respect for my husband, and pressures from other family members, I made one of the worst decisions of my life and got the mirena iud . I kept feeling like I had made a mistake and wanted to have it removed, I felt guilty that I had gotten it, but then I felt guilty that I also wanted another baby!! I prayed about what to do but could not convince my husband to let me remove it. I just put it in God's hands and started researching!! That is when I found out about the quiverfull movement!! That changed my life and I started to pray harder. Then one day while watching tv, I came across this show called "14 children and pregnant again". That is when I fell in love with the Duggars and knew then I had nothing to feel guilty about. God put this instinct in me to want to have children because they are a blessing and a gift from him. I was still praying, and God would work it out:)
When Haley was 18 months old, I suddenly just felt pregnant, so I took a test and it was positive. I was so excited, that I didn't deceive my husband, but God had answered my prayer!! But then the unthinkable happened, I started to bleed, so I went to the er and they did an ultrasound. They told me it was too early to see anything, but to follow up with my doctor on Monday(it was a Sat night). I was still bleeding, so the doctor got me in first thing that morning. She did an ultrasound and saw immediately it was a tubal pregnancy, but the iud wasn't even in the right spot!! I was devastated and begged her to try to save my fallopian tube. She did!! But 3 weeks later I got pregnant again and a few days later I started to get sick. I thought I had the flu, but worse, I kept passing out when I stood up. I knew something was wrong but no one would believe me. It was the day before Thanksgiving and my husband could not get off work. So I called my grandmother to come help me with the kids because they were all so little then. I told her I wanted to call 911, because I really felt like I was dying. So when the paramedics came, they said I had the flu, and they could take me to the er but really there was no point. So they left. Then my cousin came, and I told her I needed to go to the hospital because I was dying(and I really was). When I got there and they took me in the triage, they knew something was wrong because my blood pressure was going up and down and wasn't normal. They took me back immediately and internally examined me and they literally started losing me. I felt like I was leaving my body and was in the worst pain of my life!!! They did an ultrasound and my fallopian tube had ruptured and I was bleeding to death internally!! They took me back for emergency surgery and removed my tube:(
After that my body went crazy. I got pregnant 6 months later but it ended in a very early miscarriage(5 weeks). I then gained 50 pounds and had irregular cycles. Everyone around me got pregnant(I got 4 nephews in one year)!! I had a hard time coping with that, but trusted in God!! At that point my husband was still not quiverfull minded, but did not force me to use any kind of birth control.
Then on November 10, 2008 I finally got a positive pregnancy test!! I was sooo excited. Then at 6 weeks I saw my little peanut had a heartbeat!! But at 16 weeks pregnant, the worst happened and I lost my precious little girl Haven(you can read about that here)
At that point, I didn't know if I would ever have another baby or not, honestly I gave up, but still trusted in Jesus!!!
On October 14, 2010, I had a really rough day. Everyone around me was getting pregnant again, Both my sister and sister-in-law were pregnant, and I was just so upset that I still did not have a baby(but happy for them). Then I thought to myself I am just going to take a pregnancy test just for the fun of it, and I just like taking them, lol.(I keep the dollar store ones on hand). I about passed out when a very faint line showed up. So I went to the store and got another one. It was also positive. I wasn't convinced yet, so I got the digital one and it said.......YES!!! The pregnancy went very well and I had lots of ultrasounds to see my precious little girl.

Around 36 weeks I had a ton of contractions and was already dilated a 2. They would come and would be consistent and then just stop!! After 3 weeks of this, I really couldn't take it anymore. So even though I had planned a natural birth at the birthing center, I was just over it and ready to meet my little girl. So I opted to be induced at 39 weeks and 3 days. I was still planning on not having an epidural, since my labors tend to go fast. But the night before I couldn't sleep and really just wanted to enjoy this labor(I had my other 3 natural, except Hannah I had an epidural, but it didn't work, so I still felt everything). I prayed about it.


WHAT A BIG BELLY!!


So when I got to the hospital at 6 and they asked me if I wanted an epidural I said yes. They hooked me up and I had been having contractions all night, so I believe I was already in labor, because I was dilated a "good" 3-4. I got the epidural before they started anything, because of my fast labor history. It was quit painful, but let me tell you, I felt nothing!!! Then the dr was going to do a c-section on another patient but decided to wait, because the nurse said I was an 8. When he checked me he said the baby was "sunny side up", hence the constant labor pains with no results. So he turned her manually(#1 reason I am glad I got the epidural, #2 there was meconium in the fluid, and I do not believe I could have stopped pushing for them to suction her out. #3 the cord was around her neck, so I had to stop pushing for them to loosen that as well). After he turned her, I started pushing and she was out in 2 pushes(from the epidural until she was born only took 2 1/2 hours). Lydia Hope Anne had made her debut, and it was a day well worth the wait:)


I KNOW MY FACE LOOKS WEIRD, BUT I WAS CRYING SO HARD!!!


HER DADDY ADORES HER ALREADY




SHE WAS 6 LBS 7 OZS 19 1/2 INCHES LONG


HER BIG SISTER ADORES HER












LYDIA WITH HER COUSIN ELLIANA WHO IS 6 WEEKS OLDER

Sorry to be so lengthy, but you had to hear the whole story to understand what this child means to me(not that I love her anymore), but I appreciate and am thankful for the little things. So many times with the other children, I took things for granted, but now I cherish every moment with ALL of them, but especially Lydia, because I don't know if God will give us anymore or not. As far as my husband is concerned, I don't know that he is quiverfull minded yet or not. He does want more children or maybe it is because we are older now, but he is definitely different and more patient this time!! We love these precious gifts from God and could not be more happier!!!

ITS A...............................................

We went Wednesday January 19(Haley's 6th Birthday) and found out we are having a.............................................................................






GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!! Lydia Hope Ann will be here sometime in June:)

15 Weeks and baby's heartbeat;0

Okay so this week is the week that my baby Haven's heart stopped beating. So I have been listening to this baby's heartbeat everyday:) Last night I recorded it. It such an amazing thing to hear, and to know that a little baby is in there growing:) January 6th, I will be 16 weeks and will go to hear the heartbeat at the doctor and on January 8th we are going to Baby's First Images in Alpharetta, GA to find out what we are having:)

Update

Where have I been??? Everywhere!! We have been so busy and I have been really sick. Everything is going well with my pregnancy. I had another ultrasound today, and it was so amazing seeing my little baby move around. It looks like a baby now, not a peanut. The heartbeat was 169. My due date is June 23. I am almost 12 weeks:) God is so awesome!!!!

Our newest little blessing:)

Yesterday I went to the birthing center for an ultrasound. I measured at 6 weeks and 3 days with a due date of June 20. The only concern right now is the heartbeat is 114 and they want it to be 120. My hcg levels were 11467 and they wanted them to be well over 12000. I have to go back in Monday for more blood work to make sure that my hcg levels are doubling or they are going to be "really concerned". I have to go back Wednesday for another ultrasound to check "viability". But I know that there is a God and he listens to prayers, so please go in prayer with me that everything will be okay and that this baby is developing and will LIVE!! Here is a picture of our little one:

Let's Try AGAIN!!!!!

Sorry I have been so quiet on here, but I have been so busy. I will update soon. But in the mean time I need lots of prayers!!!!!!!!!!!! I got a positive pregnancy test(okay 3 positive tests). So please keep me in your prayers because I have lost 4 babies in the last 3 years:( Proverbs 3:5-7

It has been a hard year:(

Today marks the one year mark of finding out our little baby Haven Joy was not longer alive at almost 5 months pregnant. It has been so hard, but God is helping me through this. I know when God is ready I will have another baby and everything I have gone through will be worth it(not that losing a baby is something I would ever want to happen again). I am very blessed though, I have 3 healthy children that I am very thankful that God has blessed me with:)

On another note my sweet little boy broke his nose on Superbowl Sunday. He was trying to get his hat from Haley and she hit him in the nose with the back of her head. Poor little boy, but we went to the Ear, Nose, and Throat doctor and they said every thing would be okay. I hope everyone has a blessed week, and I hope to blog more!!!!!!!

Lab results.

I got my lab results back today. Good news is I do not have a blood clotting disorder, how ever my insulin is high and they are putting me on metformin. It is usually given to people with type 2 diabetes, I do not have that but they do believe I have PCOS. This will help regulate my cycles which will help me get pregnant, help me lose weight, and help prevent miscarriages once I get pregnant. Still there is really no answer as to why my sweet little Haven passed away, but I do know God is in control. So what ever happens I will put my trust in Him.

No words.

This last week has been really hard. Every time I see a pregnant woman or a little baby girl, I just want to cry. How I am suppose to get through this? Why is life sometimes just too hard to bare? I do not understand it. Then I think about Jesus, and what he did for me on that cross, and realize he understands. Only He can get me through this.
On another note, I have lost 6 pounds and 16 1/3 inches throughout my body. I am thankful that I am finally getting healthy. Physically I feel great, mentally, well that is another issue. I hope everyone has a great weekend.

In Memory of Haven Joy Fox!!

Today I went back to the doctor and they told me our precious baby was a girl. She had no chromosomal problems, so they believe that I have some kind of blood clotting disorder. They drew about 10 tubes of blood to test for several different problems that could cause a miscarriage. I will know the results in about 2 weeks. I was doing better but when they told me she was a girl, it really made me realize that she was real. We have decided to call her Haven(means a safe place and that is where she is with Jesus in a safe place) Joy(she truly was a joy even through this difficult time). We are considering her birth date to be February 20, because even though she wasn't alive when she was born, she still was a person and had a soul. I look at Hannah and Haley and wondered if she looked like them or if she would of had curly hair like they had. I wonder what color her eyes and hair would of been. What kind of personality she would of had. This is so hard, I just don't see how anyone could kill a baby. The doctor said I can try to get pregnant again after I have two cycles. Everyone just keep me in your prayers.

Happy Birthday to my sweet little boy and a new update.

My sweet little Bryson turns 6 today. I can't believe how fast my babies are growing.




I have started a new chapter in my life. I joined a gym. I never thought I would step foot in a gym but I have been going since Sunday. The best part is they have a daycare, so I can go early in the afternoon around 10 and there are not that many people there. The doctors blame my two years of infertility on my weight, so my goal is to lose it. I still don't buy it, because I see women way bigger than me having children all the time. During my pregnancy I lost 5 pounds due to the morning sickness, and I lost another 10 after I lost the baby due to depression and not eating. Now that I am exercising, I have not gained any of that weight back, even though I am eating now. My goal is to go to the gym Monday thru Friday and take the weekend off. I hope to lose another 75 pounds.

A new Beginning!!!

These last few weeks have been so hard. I have no words, a part of me has been angry with God, but I know that God did not do this to hurt me. It is so aggravating knowing the number of people that kill their baby everyday, and I can't just have one more baby. But after telling God my feelings of that everyday, he has brought to my attention, my ungratefulness in what he has already given me. Some people go through several miscarriages and never have a baby but I already have 3 healthy children. I have a wonderful supportive husband whom is very understanding with my mood changes. I always go back to my favorite scriptures in the Bible.

Proverbs 3:5-12


5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart,
and do not lean on your own understanding.
6 In all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make straight your paths.
7 Be not wise in your own eyes;
fear the LORD, and turn away from evil.
8 It will be healing to your flesh
and refreshment to your bones.

9 Honor the LORD with your wealth
and with the first fruits of all your produce;
10 then your barns will be filled with plenty,
and your vats will be bursting with wine.

11 My son, do not despise the LORD’s discipline
or be weary of his reproof,
12 for the LORD reproves him whom he loves,
as a father the son in whom he delights.


From now on I will put my trust and faith in God even though it is not always easy. I will be grateful for what I have and not be selfish. If God gives me another baby I will be grateful but if he decides not to I will still be grateful. God knows the desires of my heart, but it is truly up to him and I will praise and worship him no matter what.

Trying to get through!!!

The past week and a half has been so hard. Friday my surgery went okay, but they did put me to sleep. I did not get to see the baby because they basically just sucked it out of me like it was not a human being. That really bothered me, but the doctor insisted it was the safest way for me. I cry myself to sleep almost every night and a lot through out the day. This is so hard. I go back to the doctor March 20 and they will tell me the results of the chromosomal test and I thing they are doing genetic test too so we will know the sex and can give our baby a name. My husband has been so sweet and has helped me so much. Yesterday my milk came down. They told me this wouldn't happen, but considering I was almost 5 months, it did anyways. I have always breastfed, so I am not used to this. I know God has a plan even though I am having a hard time understanding why this happened. Please pray for me, I really need all the prayers I can get.

Sad News!!!!

I know it has been a while since I last updated, but I do not have good news. I was at Wal-mart Saturday with Hannah. As I was in the checkout lane I started to feel really dizzy. I told Hannah she needed to call her daddy because I did not believe I could drive home. As I told her that I passed out. I do not know how long I was unconscious but it wasn't long. My husband came and the ambulance came everything seemed to be okay but they still sent me to the hospital. They went ahead and sent me to maternity since I was almost 17 weeks pregnant. They could not get a heartbeat so they sent me for an ultrasound and still no heartbeat and the baby was only measuring 15 weeks. They gave me no hope, but sent me home since my midwives were not associated with that hospital and told be to go Monday to my midwives. I called this morning and they told me to come on in and 30 minutes called me back and sent me to a specialist for another ultrasound. I was hoping for a miracle and my entire church family and family were praying for one too. Unfortunately the baby is dead and has been for several weeks. My heart is broke. I thought for sure this time everything would be okay especially since I made it past the first trimester. I would rather not have a miscarriage, but I sure do not want one now. I will be awake for the procedure and I hope that they will let me see my baby and tell me what it is. I am more heartbroken for my children for they prayed for me to get pregnant and 2 weeks later I found out I was pregnant. They have cried as much as I have. Please keep us in your prayers through this hard time!!!!!!!

NEW pregnancy update.

I went to my appointment yesterday, and I am happy to say that we have an active little baby. Him/her heartbeat was 160 bpm. The midwife kept trying to count but my precious baby would not stay still. Satan tried to convince all month long that something was wrong and that is why they couldn't get the heartbeat, but I have faith in God and knew everything would be okay. You see after I had my last miscarriage in April 07, I prayed to God and said I would rather not ever get pregnant if I was going to have to go through anymore loss. I do believe that he listened, because he will only give you what you can handle. So I do know that everything is okay and Satan is a LIAR!!!! My next appointment will be March 3 and we will also have the sonogram/ultrasound that day. I will be 19 weeks and 1 day when we have that done. I know some people would rather wait, but I have to know and so does my husband. I am still have an occasional sickness but it is definitely better than it was. God Bless!!!!

Where to start?

I know it has been a while since I posted, but I have been so busy. At 12 weeks and 2 days the nausea has finally subsided. I do not have it everyday, and on the days I get it, it is not as bad. With that being said today has been the worst day since then. I have also had a lot of headaches lately. Sometimes I think I feel the baby move, like little bubbles, but it may just be gas, I am not sure it is still early. Monday I will be 14 weeks and I go to the doctor Thursday.
On another note my sweet baby girl turned 4 Monday January 19. We are having her birthday party tomorrow so Hopefully I will update with pictures. Below is the picture I used for her birthday invitations.


We have been so busy, with taxes and other things. We have had doctor appointments one after another this month. The children had to go to the Dentist to get cavities filled. Haley has severe eczema so bad that her back feels like scales, so she had to go to the dermatologist. He has her on two creams(one for the face, one for the body), steroid(just for 6 days to clear her up, because she is so itchy), and Clarine x for allergies to relieve her as well. Even with insurance it cost $110($20 copay doctor, $90 copay for medications). Then my dear husband had to go to the dentist to get 3 fillings and while he was there they suggested he have that wisdom tooth pulled on that side, "to save money". I do not think he realized what he did until after it was done. It took almost 24 hours before it stopped bleeding and then he had to take two vacation days. That cost $147. Plus $18 for his medication. So needless to say money is really tight around here. But that is okay because God always provides. Anyways I hope to update sooner. Blessings to ALL!!!