These last few weeks have been so hard. I have no words, a part of me has been angry with God, but I know that God did not do this to hurt me. It is so aggravating knowing the number of people that kill their baby everyday, and I can't just have one more baby. But after telling God my feelings of that everyday, he has brought to my attention, my ungratefulness in what he has already given me. Some people go through several miscarriages and never have a baby but I already have 3 healthy children. I have a wonderful supportive husband whom is very understanding with my mood changes. I always go back to my favorite scriptures in the Bible.
5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart,
and do not lean on your own understanding.
6 In all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make straight your paths.
7 Be not wise in your own eyes;
fear the LORD, and turn away from evil.
8 It will be healing to your flesh
and refreshment to your bones.
9 Honor the LORD with your wealth
and with the first fruits of all your produce;
10 then your barns will be filled with plenty,
and your vats will be bursting with wine.
11 My son, do not despise the LORD’s discipline
or be weary of his reproof,
12 for the LORD reproves him whom he loves,
as a father the son in whom he delights.
From now on I will put my trust and faith in God even though it is not always easy. I will be grateful for what I have and not be selfish. If God gives me another baby I will be grateful but if he decides not to I will still be grateful. God knows the desires of my heart, but it is truly up to him and I will praise and worship him no matter what.