A new Beginning!!!

These last few weeks have been so hard. I have no words, a part of me has been angry with God, but I know that God did not do this to hurt me. It is so aggravating knowing the number of people that kill their baby everyday, and I can't just have one more baby. But after telling God my feelings of that everyday, he has brought to my attention, my ungratefulness in what he has already given me. Some people go through several miscarriages and never have a baby but I already have 3 healthy children. I have a wonderful supportive husband whom is very understanding with my mood changes. I always go back to my favorite scriptures in the Bible.

Proverbs 3:5-12


5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart,
and do not lean on your own understanding.
6 In all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make straight your paths.
7 Be not wise in your own eyes;
fear the LORD, and turn away from evil.
8 It will be healing to your flesh
and refreshment to your bones.

9 Honor the LORD with your wealth
and with the first fruits of all your produce;
10 then your barns will be filled with plenty,
and your vats will be bursting with wine.

11 My son, do not despise the LORD’s discipline
or be weary of his reproof,
12 for the LORD reproves him whom he loves,
as a father the son in whom he delights.


From now on I will put my trust and faith in God even though it is not always easy. I will be grateful for what I have and not be selfish. If God gives me another baby I will be grateful but if he decides not to I will still be grateful. God knows the desires of my heart, but it is truly up to him and I will praise and worship him no matter what.

Trying to get through!!!

The past week and a half has been so hard. Friday my surgery went okay, but they did put me to sleep. I did not get to see the baby because they basically just sucked it out of me like it was not a human being. That really bothered me, but the doctor insisted it was the safest way for me. I cry myself to sleep almost every night and a lot through out the day. This is so hard. I go back to the doctor March 20 and they will tell me the results of the chromosomal test and I thing they are doing genetic test too so we will know the sex and can give our baby a name. My husband has been so sweet and has helped me so much. Yesterday my milk came down. They told me this wouldn't happen, but considering I was almost 5 months, it did anyways. I have always breastfed, so I am not used to this. I know God has a plan even though I am having a hard time understanding why this happened. Please pray for me, I really need all the prayers I can get.

Sad News!!!!

I know it has been a while since I last updated, but I do not have good news. I was at Wal-mart Saturday with Hannah. As I was in the checkout lane I started to feel really dizzy. I told Hannah she needed to call her daddy because I did not believe I could drive home. As I told her that I passed out. I do not know how long I was unconscious but it wasn't long. My husband came and the ambulance came everything seemed to be okay but they still sent me to the hospital. They went ahead and sent me to maternity since I was almost 17 weeks pregnant. They could not get a heartbeat so they sent me for an ultrasound and still no heartbeat and the baby was only measuring 15 weeks. They gave me no hope, but sent me home since my midwives were not associated with that hospital and told be to go Monday to my midwives. I called this morning and they told me to come on in and 30 minutes called me back and sent me to a specialist for another ultrasound. I was hoping for a miracle and my entire church family and family were praying for one too. Unfortunately the baby is dead and has been for several weeks. My heart is broke. I thought for sure this time everything would be okay especially since I made it past the first trimester. I would rather not have a miscarriage, but I sure do not want one now. I will be awake for the procedure and I hope that they will let me see my baby and tell me what it is. I am more heartbroken for my children for they prayed for me to get pregnant and 2 weeks later I found out I was pregnant. They have cried as much as I have. Please keep us in your prayers through this hard time!!!!!!!

NEW pregnancy update.

I went to my appointment yesterday, and I am happy to say that we have an active little baby. Him/her heartbeat was 160 bpm. The midwife kept trying to count but my precious baby would not stay still. Satan tried to convince all month long that something was wrong and that is why they couldn't get the heartbeat, but I have faith in God and knew everything would be okay. You see after I had my last miscarriage in April 07, I prayed to God and said I would rather not ever get pregnant if I was going to have to go through anymore loss. I do believe that he listened, because he will only give you what you can handle. So I do know that everything is okay and Satan is a LIAR!!!! My next appointment will be March 3 and we will also have the sonogram/ultrasound that day. I will be 19 weeks and 1 day when we have that done. I know some people would rather wait, but I have to know and so does my husband. I am still have an occasional sickness but it is definitely better than it was. God Bless!!!!

Where to start?

I know it has been a while since I posted, but I have been so busy. At 12 weeks and 2 days the nausea has finally subsided. I do not have it everyday, and on the days I get it, it is not as bad. With that being said today has been the worst day since then. I have also had a lot of headaches lately. Sometimes I think I feel the baby move, like little bubbles, but it may just be gas, I am not sure it is still early. Monday I will be 14 weeks and I go to the doctor Thursday.
On another note my sweet baby girl turned 4 Monday January 19. We are having her birthday party tomorrow so Hopefully I will update with pictures. Below is the picture I used for her birthday invitations.


We have been so busy, with taxes and other things. We have had doctor appointments one after another this month. The children had to go to the Dentist to get cavities filled. Haley has severe eczema so bad that her back feels like scales, so she had to go to the dermatologist. He has her on two creams(one for the face, one for the body), steroid(just for 6 days to clear her up, because she is so itchy), and Clarine x for allergies to relieve her as well. Even with insurance it cost $110($20 copay doctor, $90 copay for medications). Then my dear husband had to go to the dentist to get 3 fillings and while he was there they suggested he have that wisdom tooth pulled on that side, "to save money". I do not think he realized what he did until after it was done. It took almost 24 hours before it stopped bleeding and then he had to take two vacation days. That cost $147. Plus $18 for his medication. So needless to say money is really tight around here. But that is okay because God always provides. Anyways I hope to update sooner. Blessings to ALL!!!

First post of 2009!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wow I can't believe tomorrow will already be the 9th. I am still having sickness. I will be 12 weeks Monday. I went to the doctor last week and everything looked well my uterus is growing, but they couldn't get the baby's heartbeat. Right now they are not concerned because a) I was only 10 weeks and 1 day b) My uterus is tilted which makes it more difficult, and c) I have belly fat which makes it even more difficult. I go back the 28th, and I will be 14 weeks so they should hear it by then. A part of me wants to doubt, but I know that God gave me this baby and knows I can not handle another loss. Besides I prayed and asked God not to let me get pregnant and go through that again, so I know he will answer my prayer. Just keep me in your prayers, it has been really hard with all the stress and worry. I have been sick all day and have had a hard time just getting out of the bed. We started back school this week after a 3 week break, and that has been hard too. Hannah is fine, because she is very independent, but I have to sit down and do everything with Bryson. I am so behind on laundry. I have most of it washed, but we are digging out of baskets, even for towels. That is very embarrassing to admit but it is the truth. I know this too will pass and in the end it will be worth it ALL. I have no regrets. Blessings to everyone.

What was I supposed to be?

Though I do not agree with Ray Boltz's recent confession of being gay, I do love this song and this video. I do not see how anyone could abort a precious gift from God. I was a young teenage mother and yet I survived. If there is no way you can raise a baby at least give it a chance, there are plenty of people out there that would take care of a baby that can not have one.

Update and Break!!!!!!!!!

Sorry I haven't posted in a while but I have been hit hard by Morning sickness. It has not been easy. I am very tired all the time. I am going to take a break for a while. I go back to the doctor next Tuesday. Maybe I will update at the beginning of the new year with pictures, that is just next week. This year has flown by. Everyone have a MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Funny Dance

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

It has started!

The nausea has officially started. It doesn't seem to be as bad as it was with Haley. With Hannah I didn't have any, I didn't even know I was pregnant until 6 months. With Bryson it came and went, and only certain smells would make me vomit. With Haley it was non stop every day until I had her. Even though I don't like it, it is a sign that everything is okay. Fudge Popsicles seem to help, I haven't vomited yet and I hope I don't, that is the worse part. I have also had a lot of heartburn. The 6th week is behind me and I am in my 7th, it so crazy I found out I was pregnant so soon. I guess somethings you just know. I bought a fetal Doppler off eBay but it is still too early to hear anything. I will try every week until I do. We have had a lot going on with Holidays and will be going to my Mom's house Friday in South Carolina. I hope everyone has a great Day.