Trying to get through!!!

The past week and a half has been so hard. Friday my surgery went okay, but they did put me to sleep. I did not get to see the baby because they basically just sucked it out of me like it was not a human being. That really bothered me, but the doctor insisted it was the safest way for me. I cry myself to sleep almost every night and a lot through out the day. This is so hard. I go back to the doctor March 20 and they will tell me the results of the chromosomal test and I thing they are doing genetic test too so we will know the sex and can give our baby a name. My husband has been so sweet and has helped me so much. Yesterday my milk came down. They told me this wouldn't happen, but considering I was almost 5 months, it did anyways. I have always breastfed, so I am not used to this. I know God has a plan even though I am having a hard time understanding why this happened. Please pray for me, I really need all the prayers I can get.